Tashan - Movie Review

They have the ishtyle, the goodluck, the pharmoola. What they don't have, is audience in the movie-hall. This, my dear phellows, ijh the sad ishtory of Tashan.

Tashan is the story of ... well, that doesn't really matter. It is a rehash and replay of classic cliche riddled Bollywood movies. The movie starts off with a Mercedes crashing off the roads into water and makes you wish this was where it all ended. Unfortunately, for the luckless few like me, who have actually paid to watch the movie, it is just the beginning. There on, Jimmy Cliff (Saif Ali Khan) goes on to explain the journey hitherto (downhill).

As the story goes, Jeetender Singh Makhwana aka Jimmy Cliff is a call center employee who trains people for their accents. Jimmy tells us that he has had his fair share of hot chicks so far and is beginning to look for 'the one' girl now. To quote him 'roj roj burger pizza khaake pet kharaab ho jaata hai .. akhir ghar ke khaane ki yaad ati hi hai'. Enter salwar kameez wearing, dripping wet Pooja Singh (Kareena Kapoor) in a cliched 'it was raining when we first met and I didn't have an umbrella' scene. Pooja is out looking for an English tutor and when she mentions private tutions Jimmy eagerly agrees. Jimmy, to much dismay, realises the tutions are not for Pooja, but for her boss, Lakhan Singh, otherwise known as Bhaiyyaji (Anil Kapoor).

Bhaiyyaji is expecting a foreign delegation in few weeks time and wants to be able to talk fluent English (like George Bush, nonetheless) to seal the deal. Against the backdrop of a larger than life replica of the Mona Lisa, Bhaiyyaji, wearing the most hideously designed suits ever, starts his English training. If you forget to park your brains outside the movie hall, you might wonder why he starts to practice nursery rhymes, but that's beside the point. Not that the movie has any point .. but anyways. While Jimmy trains Bhaiyyaji on English, a romance blossoms on the sidelines between Pooja and him. Rightfully cliched, Pooja is working for Bhaiyyaji to repay debt, but is also plotting for revenge. When Pooja hatches a plan to repay Bhaiyyaji with his own money, Saif joins in. We all know Pooja will run away with the money and that's exactly what happens.

Bhaiyyaji summons ganga kinaare wala help in the form of Bachchan Pande (Akshay Kumar). Bachchan, the recovery specialist, and Jimmy set off in search of Pooja and the money. Right before going to Haridwar to perform the last rites of her long dead father (murdered by Bhaiyyaji, ofcourse), Pooja manages to slip into a bikini and sing a song. Soon enough, the duo find her, and they set off on a cross country tour to recover the money that Pooja has hidden all over. While doing so, more inane romance blossoms, this time between Bachchan and Pooja. Just when you thought you've had enough cliches already, you find that this is a long lost couple, who were in love when teenagers.

Right around this time, you begin to wonder when the movie would end and start making plans for dinner. You are awoken from your reverie when you see a familiar setting which is claimed to be Bhaiyyaji ki duniya and you realize that this is the climax of the movie. Oh that familiar setting is from Tezaab, remember Pasha Khan and his den ... pretty much the same one. The movie inches close to an end after a long lasting, near comical fight and finally ends for real with the death of the villain, Bhaiyyaji.

And then, happy toh I lots being yesterday. Ok, tata, bye-bye.