Wednesday, January 23, 2008

Scary Thought

If distance makes the heart grow fonder, what happens when those distances fall apart?!

Wednesday, January 16, 2008

Work

When I went to school at Wright State, I remember this line on one of the professor's home page, 'Why work for a living when you can work for a passion?'. I really wonder how many people can righteously claim that they work for a passion. What joy it holds, I may never know!

With the performance review cycle going on, my manager and I sat down to have a quick informal discussion about how things were going, what to expect in the coming year, etc. Somewhere during this conversation we talked about how there's some things that we don't like doing and yet end up doing for lack of choice. My manager was quick to respond, 'I don't like coming to work! I don't like coming to work. Period. But every day I have to wake up and drive here and get busy. Do I enjoy it? No I don't. Will I keep doing it? Yes. There are some things in life where you don't have a choice at all. Right now, for me, this is one of them.'

I think I too am sinking in the same boat as he is. Somehow, I have a feeling that most people in IT are aboard too. Hell yeah, we need a job that pays the bills, we need the big bucks. That's what turns us into code monkeys banging on keyboards all day, staring at the computer screen till our eyes start screaming for rest. I know I hadn't signed up for this when I was looking for a job. To quote Peter Gibbons from Office Space "Human beings were not meant to sit in little cubicles staring at computer screens all day, filling out useless forms and listening to eight different bosses drone on about about mission statements."

Would it have been any different if I had gone on to study something that I enjoyed more? Would it have been more enjoyable if I was working in the same discipline that I studied? Would I have enjoyed coming to work more than I do now? Would this really have been a better choice on all counts? I guess it's too late to find out.

Friday, January 11, 2008

Shaadi Ke Side Effects

My last post explained in much detail what I was upto all of December. All went well, but given the number of things that happened in such little time I experienced a lot of side effects. Note that some of these side effects could be unique to my situation. Your experience may differ ;)

Shaadi ka pehla side effect: Talk around the clock
The wedding is fixed for 8 days later and you know that you don't know each other well enough. What do you do then? You talk. A lot. Till you're breathless, till you can't think of any more words, till your throat is parched, till you dread the thought of waking up the next day to start talking once again. And all this time, she listens. Might as well talk it up while you're given the chance. You know you'll be the one doing all the listening in just a few days ;)

Shaadi ka dusra side effect: Forced insomnia
No matter how much you love your sleep you have to let go of it in lieu of wifey dearest. Refer side effect#1, where wife wants to hear you talk and know more about you. That she holds her cards close to her chest should not be a concern, because once the floodgates are opened, you can run but you can't hide! With the timecrunch during the day, we had only nights to meet up. Every night we had dinner someplace and then chatted it up all night at the most lukkha places around town one can imagine. As it starts to get late in the night and you start yawning at the rate of 14 per second, this should serve as a signal to the wife that it's time for you to call it a day. Be warned that all such advances are conveniently overlooked and you will not be allowed to leave until she gets called in by her parents atleast 5 times. Sure you have to wake up early tommorrow morning and get ready to run around town some more, but so does she. If she can wait longer, you MUST.

Shaadi ke teesra side effect: Damned if you do, damned if you don't.
With all the jewelry and clothing that is part of a traditional Indian wedding you are expected to actively participate in jewelry and clothing selection for the wife. You may not be able to tell the difference between a paatli and a baangdi, but if you stand around chatting it up with the other men in the family, while the womenfolk hunt the perfect piece of jewelry, you're inviting trouble. Conversely, if you're out shopping and you happen to suggest 'I think this will look good on you' you can never tell which way things would go. If the wife doesn't like it you're let off lightly ' Ohh! Our choices just don't match at all!' or 'That one. Really?'. However, if the wife likes it, you're screwed. 'How the hell did you know this would look good? Have you already seen someone wearing this? Which girl was wearing this?' You know where this leads to.

Shaadi ka chautha side effect: No more eye tonic
Let's face it. No matter how much you love the one you're with, our eyes wander. We know, a thing of beauty should be appreciated. Make no mistakes - do not EVER try this with your wife around. Hell hath no fury like your wife catching you eyeing other women. Also, do not attempt to impress with witty sentences like 'Just because you're on a diet, does not mean you cannot take a look at the menu.' Rest assured, your wit will go unappreciated.

Shaadi ka paachva side effect: All we need is just a little loads of patience.
Patience is a virtue. If you don't have it, go get it from somewhere. If you have it, go get some more. You'll need all the patience in the world while the pieces of this puzzle (read, wife) fall into place. While you're working on that, another highly recommended suggestion is to start understanding what women say and what they actually mean.

Shaadi ka chhatha side effect: Run. Then run some more.
If you're a poor clueless soul living with roomies who suddenly gets married when he goes to meet family, I've got news for you. Run! There's so many things in this world that need to get done before you can bring your wife over to uncle sam's land. Find a new place to live in, move out of the old place, figure out what to do with the current lease, get all your docs in line for the wife's immigration process, ... it's a pity you'll be doing all of this while completely sleep deprived :P

Shaadi ka saatva side effect: Manage 2 fulltime jobs
You may or may not love your current job that pays the rent, but you've just been promoted to manage another one simultaneously. God save you, if you and the wife are currently living in timezones day and night apart. You can show up a little late on your day job, but skip a second on the other job and be ready for a tirade. All you can do is listen. No matter what you try to say, it will never get through.

Iss blogpost ka side effect: To be disclosed later. If you don't hear from me soon enough, please inform 911.

Post Title: Pyaar Ke Side Effects

Thursday, January 10, 2008

I went. We met. We married!

Last time I wrote, I had some idea that my India trip was going to be hectic but I had no clue of the final outcome of this trip. I knew my parents had some girls lined up for me, setting me up for an arranged marriage, so I was somewhat mentally prepared to come back engaged. Reading through some of the previous posts one can easily identify how uncomfortable I was with the idea of an arranged marriage, but I guess when you know it's right, you know it's right.

As it happened, in all excitement I boarded my flight home last month knowing very little what lay in store for me over the next 3 weeks. My ideas were clear - arrive at some decision by the end of the 1st week so we have enough time to get through the engagement (yes, I really was prepared mentally only for that part) or else we have enough time to go on a nice family vacation. My brother was about to join me in the US to begin his Masters and it would've been a while later that we could have gone on to spend quality time as family. Honestly speaking, I really was interested in taking that vacation =)) Don't get me wrong, but that's how guys are. Never ready to commit, always wanting to enjoy their days as bachelors, doing what they will not giving a damn about anything in this world. Getting married is a hard sell for us when we see what we're about to give up - and that's exactly why we don't give it up until we're absolutely certain she is the one we want to give it all for. During this trip, I was lucky to have found her. And now I'm back - a married man!

I landed in Mumbai late on a Friday night. Oddly enough, I was the only one around who was not complaining that it was too hot. Guess that's one of the ways San Diego spoils ;) Within a couple of hours we were home in Pune. It had been a long, painful 15 hr direct flight with my lower back starting to act up and I was glad to get some sleep before I got ready to meet the handful of girls who had been diligently sifted through the stack. My bro had recounted numerous instances when he was bored to near death after my parents tugged him along on some occassions, and I was only glad that I didn't have to relive his experiences. To add to his misery, he almost always was told that the two of us look very similar (like he hadn't been told so 10,000 times already). Needless to say, this was a lesson learnt for him to avoid going through the same process a few years down the line :))

The whole process for potential bride selection had been efficiently streamlined by my parents and they made sure that everything was in place before I reached India. Saturday afternoon I was scheduled to meet the 1st girl. My parents had met her family a week ago and as luck would have it they turned out to be long out of touch acquaintances. To add to coincidences, the girl's brother and his family lived in San Diego in the exact same apartment complex that I live in! Despite all the last minute rush, I had already met up with these guys in SD before I reached Pune.

Back to the story, on 12/08/'07 I met this 1st girl, we talked like long lost chums catching up and I went back home. Knowing. After that, one after the other, I met a few other girls. I don't think I should mention any details here - but what the heck?! One was too demure, another was below par, while a third was over the top. It really seemed to be going downhill after the 1st one and by Tuesday evening I felt like I was running low on motivation to meet the rest of the pack. Wednesday morning while talking to my parents, I expressed as subtly as I possibly could, that I knew where I wanted to go with this. Just as we were talking, 1st girl's mom called up to find out our thoughts after the 1st meeting. We gladly let them know, that we'd like to take this further and meetup once again before arriving at any decision. So we had another family meet and greet on Thursday, this time at our place. While the elders talked about ( who cares?) , 1st girl and I caught up some more like long lost friends. After a while I was certain that whatever thoughts had been crowded in my mind since the first time I met 1st girl were completely devoid of infatuation and I knew she was the one. After we walked downstairs, smiles plastered on our faces, both sides of the house confirmed that the two of us were ready to get married.

Stage set? If only, it were that easy. My mom and dad wanted me to get married before I left for SD on the 3rd of Jan. I think that they were worried that if I had enough time to digest what was happening I would never come back home to get married =)) On the other side of the house, there were potential roadblocks in getting this done though. Those folks had another wedding scheduled on Dec 28 and were busy with those preparations. Apart from that, if you rewind a bit, remember 1st girl's brother and family live in San Diego and it was not possible for them to come to India on such short notice. With further discussions on the topic between elders, we were left to our own. Not so surprisingly, 1st girl was reeling from the after effects of the conversation she had just heard. She wasn't mentally prepared to get married as yet, more so at such short notice and even more so leave the town and people she was so fond of to go live with a complete stranger in some place she had only heard about.

Friday evening I met 1st girl once again. We had a big long debate about what our choices were before stepping up on to the altar. Her family was hellbent upon getting this done later while my family was eager to get this done sooner than later. While we discussed our options between the two of us, our families discussed their stands and Friday night each family had come to a conclusion before both families were scheduled to meet Saturday morning. Saturday morning, once again there was a lot of debate between the elders of the families, with no side letting go of their stand. A few hours and a lot of convincing points later, from one Saturday to the next, our wedding day was fixed - for the Sunday in the coming week.

The chaos that kicked off cannot be explained in words. Every able member from each family was running around town to get things in line for the wedding. Piling on the chaos, my brother was scheduled to leave for the US on the 27th so there was a lot of stuff that he needed to get done in good time as well. While all the shops were open during the daytime, everyone was in different directions, in different shops trying to get to the end of the to-do list. Nights was the only time 1st girl and I got to spend time with each other and talk, talk and talk. Needless to say, given the race against time, I had to sacrifice my most favorite thing - sleep. I barely got 4 hours of sleep each night during the entire trip, with no regrets whatsoever. Against all odds, my brother-in-law's family was able to make it to Pune, well in time for the wedding.

Finally, on the 23rd of December 2007, I married 1st girl Nupur to accept her as my lawfully wedded 1st wife.