Shaadi Ke Side Effects

My last post explained in much detail what I was upto all of December. All went well, but given the number of things that happened in such little time I experienced a lot of side effects. Note that some of these side effects could be unique to my situation. Your experience may differ ;)

Shaadi ka pehla side effect: Talk around the clock
The wedding is fixed for 8 days later and you know that you don't know each other well enough. What do you do then? You talk. A lot. Till you're breathless, till you can't think of any more words, till your throat is parched, till you dread the thought of waking up the next day to start talking once again. And all this time, she listens. Might as well talk it up while you're given the chance. You know you'll be the one doing all the listening in just a few days ;)

Shaadi ka dusra side effect: Forced insomnia
No matter how much you love your sleep you have to let go of it in lieu of wifey dearest. Refer side effect#1, where wife wants to hear you talk and know more about you. That she holds her cards close to her chest should not be a concern, because once the floodgates are opened, you can run but you can't hide! With the timecrunch during the day, we had only nights to meet up. Every night we had dinner someplace and then chatted it up all night at the most lukkha places around town one can imagine. As it starts to get late in the night and you start yawning at the rate of 14 per second, this should serve as a signal to the wife that it's time for you to call it a day. Be warned that all such advances are conveniently overlooked and you will not be allowed to leave until she gets called in by her parents atleast 5 times. Sure you have to wake up early tommorrow morning and get ready to run around town some more, but so does she. If she can wait longer, you MUST.

Shaadi ke teesra side effect: Damned if you do, damned if you don't.
With all the jewelry and clothing that is part of a traditional Indian wedding you are expected to actively participate in jewelry and clothing selection for the wife. You may not be able to tell the difference between a paatli and a baangdi, but if you stand around chatting it up with the other men in the family, while the womenfolk hunt the perfect piece of jewelry, you're inviting trouble. Conversely, if you're out shopping and you happen to suggest 'I think this will look good on you' you can never tell which way things would go. If the wife doesn't like it you're let off lightly ' Ohh! Our choices just don't match at all!' or 'That one. Really?'. However, if the wife likes it, you're screwed. 'How the hell did you know this would look good? Have you already seen someone wearing this? Which girl was wearing this?' You know where this leads to.

Shaadi ka chautha side effect: No more eye tonic
Let's face it. No matter how much you love the one you're with, our eyes wander. We know, a thing of beauty should be appreciated. Make no mistakes - do not EVER try this with your wife around. Hell hath no fury like your wife catching you eyeing other women. Also, do not attempt to impress with witty sentences like 'Just because you're on a diet, does not mean you cannot take a look at the menu.' Rest assured, your wit will go unappreciated.

Shaadi ka paachva side effect: All we need is just a little loads of patience.
Patience is a virtue. If you don't have it, go get it from somewhere. If you have it, go get some more. You'll need all the patience in the world while the pieces of this puzzle (read, wife) fall into place. While you're working on that, another highly recommended suggestion is to start understanding what women say and what they actually mean.

Shaadi ka chhatha side effect: Run. Then run some more.
If you're a poor clueless soul living with roomies who suddenly gets married when he goes to meet family, I've got news for you. Run! There's so many things in this world that need to get done before you can bring your wife over to uncle sam's land. Find a new place to live in, move out of the old place, figure out what to do with the current lease, get all your docs in line for the wife's immigration process, ... it's a pity you'll be doing all of this while completely sleep deprived :P

Shaadi ka saatva side effect: Manage 2 fulltime jobs
You may or may not love your current job that pays the rent, but you've just been promoted to manage another one simultaneously. God save you, if you and the wife are currently living in timezones day and night apart. You can show up a little late on your day job, but skip a second on the other job and be ready for a tirade. All you can do is listen. No matter what you try to say, it will never get through.

Iss blogpost ka side effect: To be disclosed later. If you don't hear from me soon enough, please inform 911.

Post Title: Pyaar Ke Side Effects